Wet Paint and Memories

Memories are like a coat of wet paint on the walls in a busy narrow street.

They’re not gonna stay the same.

Clothes For My Pimples

Photo by Justin Veenema. Source: unsplash.com

Treat it for what it is. A minute real estate on your face with very little resale value for the next few weeks.

Why do we wear clothes?

Go ahead and google it. It’s amusing to see how the web manages to give relevant answers to questions like these.

We wear clothes for protection, for decoration and mostly to keep what’s private, private.

When Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden fruit. they lost the glory of God that clothed them and they clothed themselves with leaves.

I sometimes wish I had clothes for other stuff. Like pimples and scars.

My skin has a thing for pimples. Despite my mother’s incessant instructions not to pop them, I still do it. And because of this habit I had trouble walking with my head held up high when I was in school. People sometimes don’t see how much pimples can affect someone. It was torture for me. My face used to shrink to the size of a small spot. Metaphorically, of course.

Here I was, a teenage kid with a lot of potential. I had everything going for me. I mean, I did struggle a bit during high school with academics (regardless of which I ended up at my dream university) but other than that, I was doing great. I loved meeting people and having a good conversation. The only thing that kept me from enjoying every single minute of my day most days was the number of pimples on my face. That’s sad.

You do get better at living with your pimples. It gets easier. But I didn’t want to live with them. If I was not responsible for them and they were going to be a part of my life regardless, I could not afford to let them be even the slightest of my worries.

I learnt, though at a very slow pace, that nobody actually cared about my pimples. At least not as much as I thought they did. I also learnt that sometimes not every part of who you are will serve your confidence and that you have to choose what to focus on.

Me being a born-again Christian, realised that it is in God that my value is found. It is his glory that now clothed me and made me who I was. That realisation helped me a lot.

You, dear reader, have to realise that I am talking about a problem that is nothing compared to the millions of problems that are out there. But it definitely is one. Which is why I thought I should talk about how hurtful it could be when you stare at somebody’s pimple or even point it out in public. Even when it seems like it’s no big deal.

Before I go, to all my friends with pimples: Really, it’s not a big deal. Don’t worry too much. Treat it for what it is. A minute real estate on your face with very little resale value for the next few weeks. If you really want to make a mountain out of it, call them volcanoes of purity or call yourself pompously pimplified. I hope that was not gross.

Anyway, if you’ve actually read till here, you deserve an award. Please claim my respect by saying a hi in the comments. Joking. You don’t have to do that. I love you all nevertheless.

Have a blast just existing!

The Right Shoes

I’m an Indian kid doing his undergraduate course in English Literature. Most people don’t know this but in India, the number of kids trying to get into Medicine and Engineering is insanely high. The competition is so high, there are literally lakhs of unemployed engineers. It is in the midst of all this that I decided to study English. When I tell people that I am studying English at college, they are mostly extremely unimpressed. And I can’t blame them, IITs and Medical Colleges rule India. I mean it does hurt sometimes. I mean, I did get into one of the best universities in India and I love what I do. I love it so much that I would rather be at college than enjoy a holiday. I would never be at such a great place in life if I had done what everyone else was doing. A lot of people go through life doing what they don’t love. Instead of their work life nourishing their personal life, it sabotages it.

A few days ago, I made a small track and wrote a small poem (though it’s not a proper poem) to articulate how hard it is to go out and ‘do your own thing’. I hope you enjoy it.

Th track is called ‘Leg-Shoe’ and I’ll share the Instagram link to the track here. You can also listen to it at my YouTube channel at Stef Guitar Geek but there’s something wrong with audio at some parts.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Bpv4cHFob/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Here’s the poem. I don’t have a title yet. So feel free to suggest one. 🙂

I feel burnt out. Utterly inexistent

My legs have grown out of the shoes that i have come to love

 I find myself locked into a room full of old worn out shoes

And I must choose. For the world is not for a man with no shoes.

But I can’t. They stink and they are revolting to the eye.

They are torn, bleeding leather, but  they are warm

They are warm because they are worn.

Everyone wears them. They wear ’em till they die. 

Some never even take ’em off. 

They go to bed in them. They bathe in them, some even make love while still in them

They are definitely not for me. My toes want to feel a virgin pair.

So they can in time rest in a pair of their own.

A pair that has formed into the shape of my feet.

Not in worn out shoes they can’t even feel.

But I am locked in. The keys do not even exist.

I do not know how to pick a lock that isn’t there. 

So I examine the worn out shoes.

They are introduced in pairs, yet were undeniably incongruous.

But I persist. I put aside my pernicious eyes of judgement and peek into the intricacies of creation

I see where the needle cut into the leather. I look at the lines and curves.

I search for marks made by time but seldom come across one

But I come across in plenty , marks made by man. 

Marks made in his haste to conquer, but sometimes because he lacked succour.

For years I’ve been dragging my shoeless feet, leading my eyes onto more worn out footwear.

My mission is to make my own worn out pair, a pair that Iooks like my feet.

I pick up the pieces of leather falling off the shelves, I bring them together with the threads that survived. 

I sew them over my feet. Sometimes, I feel a prick or two but never in the same place.

Like the men with the worn out shoes whose toes feel pain again and again.

I really hope this inspires you and encourages you to go out there and do what you love to do. God has a plan for all of us. So be brave!

And as always, have a blast just existing!

Silence Is A Perfect Sound

Shhh…..

Silence. In some cases, we strive in our efforts to push it out of the picture. But in others, we love it, are amused by it and find solace and comfort in it.

It’s morning. The sun just peek-a-booed into the sky. The tree leaves moved gracefully in the wind. The branch of a crooked coconut tree  was  somehow serving as an  eyebrow to the sun. The face of the earth was dipped in yellow. A yellow that smelled of novelty, hope, victory and simply colour. It was raining too. But the skies were clear. It always confused me when that happened.

There is a silence in my room. I shift inside my blankets to try and sleep some more but end up just lying there, my eyes squinting into the sunrise. The silence is loud. Outside  the window of my room, the signs of life are so evident, it’s loud. It’s waiting to enter the silence in my room and break it. Not that it is evil. The loudness outside is very beautiful, extremely calming too, ironically. But letting it in, would mean giving up the silence. I would be giving  up a  perspective of reality inside the boundaries of my room. One that I was starting to enjoy.

Silence seems to add an iridescent beauty to all movement. It does so by just existing in a world of inactivity. The only thing that let’s us know it’s there, is time. But when it takes over, it lets you know that it is not brining about a cessation to activity, but rather adding meaning to it. In other words, it is a pause. And I find that so beautiful. If you follow this blog, you would know how much I love playing the guitar. A good musician has to know when to let his instrument speak and when to keep it silent. I would spend hours and hours, honing my skill of knowing when to allow silence to take over.  When silence takes over in the middle of a song, it’s definitely not a cessation of activity. On the contrary, it feels incredibly similar to standing still while your heart is beating like it’s on a rollercoaster. It is according to me, the best example of inertia, but one on an abstract level. And that silence, I find to be an ephemeral display of amazing.

Almost everything I have has some kind of cartoon or doodle. If you look at my laptop, among all the crazy things I’ve drawn on it, you’ll see this:   Silence is a Perfect Sound.  And I hope that today, I have given the world, a muddled up, arcane reason why it’s there. And if you didn’t understand this post, don’t worry. I’m still learning how to put silence in the right places.

 

Never Cliché

Dear …………………………,

I saw a great movie today. A beautiful one.

The sun’s almost down here. The birds are all returning to their modest abodes. If every day was a movie, then this would be a very cliché ending. But yet this is beautiful. Every day is filled with ephemeral clichés that we seem to enjoy with a satisfaction that makes no sense at all. Stefan, haven’t you gotten tired of seeing the sunset, the flying birds, and the full moon? You’ve been loitering on this earth for 18 years. But no, you still enjoy them. They still make sense to you.

The movie I saw today ended with a cliché. And yes, I would have liked it to surprise me, but it didn’t. But yet, it was beautiful, full of meaning. Today, films are trying to survive. Everything is becoming cliché. Around a lakh movies are made every year. New clichés are made every day. Playwrights and directors are rocking their brains left and right to find something new.

Why do I never stop loving a good sunrise? Why do I never get bored with nature?

Is it the acceptance of my unawareness of many of the delicate details I have yet to see? Maybe.

I have a feeling that a cliché becomes annoying only when you are aware of a better possibility. If this is indeed true, then it is the limitations of my imagination that makes me fall in love over and over again with nature, love, beauty and another human being.

And that, I find extremely beautiful. In a world that keeps changing in time, I find it comforting to think that my sheer oblivion to an alternative for many things and my sheer inability to form one, makes what is there everlasting and beautiful.

God, you have indeed painted your glory in the skies and in the most minute vestiges of nature. I can’t find anything to replace it.

Yours,

Stefan

 

 

 

A great quote

Hey guys,

Just wanted to drop in and share with you a great quote I just read over at the blog of one of my dear friends, Stuart L. Tutt. It just brightened up my day 🙂

‘You will also realize that despite the fact you can’t find pants that actually fit you, your body size is perfect. It is exactly that way God designed you to be. You will eventually come to terms with it.’ – Stuart L. Tutt

Go check out his blog at https://stubaby777.wordpress.com/

I’m sure you’ll be inspired. God bless you all! 🙂

A Word On Why Your Words Matter

Dear……..……….

It’s me again. Today I had a really long class. I was so tired after that, that I just walked back to my room and dropped on my bed. After food today, I felt like going out. The night was so young and beautiful. I decided to sit down for some cold lemon tea. I took the longer road this time to get to the tea stall. It’s always nice to take the longer road. You get to say hi to some people and make some small talk. Leaves a smile on your face by the time you reach your destination. I decided to go through some great posts. And I was sitting there reading, sipping my tea, I thought of how much the WordPress community meant to me. It’s such a joy to come here and be encouraged. Over the past two years, I’ve made friends like you who are so good at building people up. And that’s what keeps me hooked. I am still growing.

As human beings, we are constantly looking for affirmation from the other. Every single moment of our lives, we are looking for a smile, a wave, a nod, anything that makes us people worth something. What’s behind our hunger for attention and affirmation?

I looked around. I was halfway down my tea. I tend to do that a lot. I eat and drink faster when I am thinking. I could see the football ground from where I was sitting. Some students were kicking a ball around, getting ready for a match. I turned back to my tea. I’ve heard some people say that our thirst for approval has a lot to do with our need to survive. We want proof that we are relevant. That we are still in the game, still part of the society. I guess that’s one way of looking at it.

But then there is also the possible connection of external affirmation with the approval you give yourself. In this sense, everyone you see, is a mirror. A mirror you look into to evaluate yourself. You see someone and you immediately compare them with yourself. The standards here are usually set by society. They are in a way, universal. You see a bad character in someone and you immediately search for that character in yourself. The disgust you feel towards that character is something you do not want to be associated with. So you scrummage through your past, you comb through your present and you make laws for the future. You see a good quality and you do the same. In this evaluation, you create multiple pictures of yourself that are different. It’s a process that goes on. You are in effect, constantly updating yourself on who you are.

I know I’m boring you. But here’s the point- affirmation does matter.

It is connected with something that is so sensitive- a person’s idea of who he is.

We as human beings, should be aware of this fact. A hurtful word that you can avoid, must be avoided. A smile and a wave never hurt anyone. Of course. there are times when you will have to correct a friend. Correction when done with care, brings about respect and trust.

Teasing and making fun of somebody can seem very harmless, especially when among friends. But essentially when you go down to it, the person at the receiving end feels irrelevant, insignificant and lonely. The Bible has a verse that talks about how with the same tongue you praise God, you curse men, who were made in His likeness. We both need to work on our words, me and you.

So let’s lift people up rather than bring them down. Let’s smile and wave whenever we can and let us be the someone who always has a spare shoulder for others to cry on.

Here at WordPress, I’ve always felt love and encouragement from everyone. That’s what makes it special for me. You keep coming back here, taking your precious time and using it to read what I write. And for that I adore you. So thank you.

I would love to hear from you.

What makes WordPress special for you? Please comment. And thank you once again for reading!

God bless!

Yours,

Stefan

Random ramblings…

Dear…………………

It’s been so long since I wrote something. It’s just that after entering university, I thought that I would end up just writing more, but that didn’t happen. Anyway, today I thought I would write just for fun. In the end of the next few posts, I hope I get something across.

What is imagination? What is true? What is reality?These are questions I’ve been thinking about for some time now.

It’s amazing how deep the contrast is between how small we are and how big our minds are. Just look at those photos of us from space. We’re so small, so limited in our perspective. If it were not for our God-given power of absorbing knowledge and empowering imagination with that data, who knows where we would be today?

Today, I look at science magazines and I see proof of not just what we’ve achieved as human beings, but also what we have yet to achieve. Every invention or discovery opens a new door and a huge question mark smiles at us. I guess that’s how development works. The imagination and power of thought that has brought us this far works by framing questions.

It’s amazing how imagination unfolds itself in us. There is that part of imagination that just brings pictures in front of you. You don’t now how they come about. Like a dream in your sleep, they come uninvited and leave at their own time. It seems as if you have no voluntary power over their formation. It is a combination, a strange mixture of many things that pass your mind. A little from here, a little from there. It’s like a creole language of emotions. They can get the idea across, though they have been derived from many sources.

Then there’s the other kind of imagination. The one where you are asked to imagine within certain boundaries, usually within the boundaries of science. Every block of that final picture is evaluated. A question is asked at every step of the way. Should this piece exist in the final picture? And there are truly only two answers possible: a yes, or a no.

It is through such a simple system, that we’ve expanded our perspective, our picture of what life really is, of what truth really is. Yes, we are indeed very complicated while being utterly simple.

Isn’t that a something that incites a great epiphany?

Maybe, Maybe not…..

Yours,

Stefan

 

 

 

 

True Love

It stays there, lingering in your heart like a mellifluous note of tranquility. Its sonorous echo hits against the walls of your heart and asks to be let out and be shared. It’s a love that’s pure. It’s not limerence or lust. It is an iridescent truth. It is a love that makes you want to find the meaning in life, it is the love that makes you want to love God.

I look around as I move like a somnambulist through time. The love in me brings tears to my eyes as I see how true love is caged by the pride of man. They fall on the open grounds of my heart, the very foundations of what is true and they let out a petrichor that is a stink at the same time. It brings fragrance to the value in the true but cuts against the walls of my heart with its stark contrast to what is beautiful.

Look into the heart of a child. Look to the strings stretched across the heart of a young soul. So innocent, unpolluted by the world. Listen to the song that comes out and treasure it in a transparent box with little space. Let not anything pollute it, but let everything behold its beauty.

Man, look at how God has painted love with ethereal colors. Look at how it glows in peace and how it dances in true forgiveness. Don’t complicate it, don’t mock it. Look through the eyes of the creator on a suffering world.

Oh, only if we would understand true love!

God help us, come to us and let true love flow through us…………

Spicy Sweet

‘Doing what we love, when it feels unnatural and out of the picture, is when the potential for change is at it’s zenith.’

It’s beautiful how even the seemingly boring days can be made exciting adding a bit of rhythm. Passion is the spice that makes life sweet.

I remember how one day, my sister and I had to wait outside our flat because I forgot to take my key.

Don’t blame me! I was too busy in the morning. Actually, you can. Just kidding.

Anyway, we thought we’d stay down in the flat lobby till dad came to let us in. So, we settled into the sofas and sat there. Suddenly, somehow, I felt like singing. My sister seems to think the same things as me. So much so that sometimes it’s weird. Anyway, we start singing or humming to tunes we love.

As time passed on, our songs became more loud. We were singing like crazy. Somehow, I didn’t want it to end. It was beautiful! That Monday afternoon I thought would bore me to death was now being slowly shaped into a beautiful memory. Not that we are professional singers or anything. We just enjoy singing together.

Why am I sharing this with you guys?

Because I wanted to show you how no day is any less beautiful than another. You just have to be passionate about the time you have. Every waking moment. Just like I found my joy in singing, which didn’t cost me a penny, you too, can add spice to your life if you bring what you love into your daily life. And, most of the time, it’s very inexpensive.

Love to draw?

Put a small notebook and pencil in your bag and when you take the bus or catch a train to work. If no you’re not talking to anyone, take out those small things in life you love most. Your passion. It’s free. It’s effective. It’s God’s gift to you. A spice that can make anything sweet.

If you want to sing, sing in a small voice. You don’t want to disturb anyone. But do it. It will add so much energy to your day.

Didn’t get that raise or that promotion you thought you’d get? Add some spice to the day doing what you love. Spent some time doing it with who you love.

Don’t we all do this always? Not so much as before. Now, most of our spare time, we bury ourselves in our digital screens.

So today, I would like to remind you to use your free time well. Add some energy to your life. Maybe it’s been a bad day for you and you might feel like celebrating, even for a few minutes is out of the picture. You’re wrong. Life’s moving. The second that just passed you is a part of your past. Doing what we love, when it feels unnatural and out of the picture, is when the potential for change is at it’s zenith.

So, enjoy your life.