I made some music and created an animated video to go with it. It’s a vision, a dream, something I blurted out that I felt was important to turn into something I could realize and forget at the same time. That’s what this blog is supposed to be about anyway.
The nib’s broken on paper
It’s on record
There’s no taper
Printers cried and bookmarks fell off the shelf
Libraries shut down.
Never let me speak to the crowds x 2
I drew on my face
But they just couldn’t understand
These things are too deep.
So next time when I write
Wake me up inside
I’d love to listen.
And I …..
Will let you speak to my crowds x2
This is a song I wrote about creative blocks and how hard it is sometimes to feel responsible for your art. I’ll be writing a post soon about creative blocks and the depression that artists often go through. I’ve been depressed for more than a year now and I’m struggling very much with it. A few months ago, I read Hemingway’s Snows of Kilimanjaro and found myself exploring the mind of the artist. I’m planning on writing about my epiphanies on how the artist’s mind works in an effort to work through my own depression and find others who are also going through something similar. I thought posting this song I wrote about a year ago would be a great way to start things off. I have more songs that I’ve written on the topic and will be sharing them here soon. Looking forward to great discussions. As always, (try to) have a great blast existing.
I’m an Indian kid doing his undergraduate course in English Literature. Most people don’t know this but in India, the number of kids trying to get into Medicine and Engineering is insanely high. The competition is so high, there are literally lakhs of unemployed engineers. It is in the midst of all this that I decided to study English. When I tell people that I am studying English at college, they are mostly extremely unimpressed. And I can’t blame them, IITs and Medical Colleges rule India. I mean it does hurt sometimes. I mean, I did get into one of the best universities in India and I love what I do. I love it so much that I would rather be at college than enjoy a holiday. I would never be at such a great place in life if I had done what everyone else was doing. A lot of people go through life doing what they don’t love. Instead of their work life nourishing their personal life, it sabotages it.
A few days ago, I made a small track and wrote a small poem (though it’s not a proper poem) to articulate how hard it is to go out and ‘do your own thing’. I hope you enjoy it.
Th track is called ‘Leg-Shoe’ and I’ll share the Instagram link to the track here. You can also listen to it at my YouTube channel at Stef Guitar Geek but there’s something wrong with audio at some parts.
Here’s the poem. I don’t have a title yet. So feel free to suggest one. 🙂
I feel burnt out. Utterly inexistent
My legs have grown out of the shoes that i have come to love
I find myself locked into a room full of old worn out shoes
And I must choose. For the world is not for a man with no shoes.
But I can’t. They stink and they are revolting to the eye.
They are torn, bleeding leather, but they are warm
They are warm because they are worn.
Everyone wears them. They wear ’em till they die.
Some never even take ’em off.
They go to bed in them. They bathe in them, some even make love while still in them
They are definitely not for me. My toes want to feel a virgin pair.
So they can in time rest in a pair of their own.
A pair that has formed into the shape of my feet.
Not in worn out shoes they can’t even feel.
But I am locked in. The keys do not even exist.
I do not know how to pick a lock that isn’t there.
So I examine the worn out shoes.
They are introduced in pairs, yet were undeniably incongruous.
But I persist. I put aside my pernicious eyes of judgement and peek into the intricacies of creation
I see where the needle cut into the leather. I look at the lines and curves.
I search for marks made by time but seldom come across one
But I come across in plenty , marks made by man.
Marks made in his haste to conquer, but sometimes because he lacked succour.
For years I’ve been dragging my shoeless feet, leading my eyes onto more worn out footwear.
My mission is to make my own worn out pair, a pair that Iooks like my feet.
I pick up the pieces of leather falling off the shelves, I bring them together with the threads that survived.
I sew them over my feet. Sometimes, I feel a prick or two but never in the same place.
Like the men with the worn out shoes whose toes feel pain again and again.
I really hope this inspires you and encourages you to go out there and do what you love to do. God has a plan for all of us. So be brave!
And as always, have a blast just existing!
A few days ago, I made a track that I really enjoyed making. I wanted to share it with you guys. I’ve posted part of it on my Instagram page. I’ll link it here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BzeKMICDbe2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
From a very young age, I’ve enjoyed airplanes. They were magnificent in my eyes. I saw great perfection in the lines they made in the sky. I was amazed when I first saw one up close. I found it amazing how something this big always appeared to be small whenever I looked up, squinting from the balcony of my flat, determined to get a glimpse of a passing miracle of human innovation.
When I was 4 years old, my dad introduced me to Microsoft Flight Simulator. My small hands tugging at the joystick that I could barely keep steady, I found inspiration in the beautiful in-between of the beauty of nature and man’s impeccable skill to innovate. I knew I would never be a pilot. But I knew in the first few moments of playing that game, that I’ll always love these man-made birds. I knew that I would never grow tired of flying.
I love to sit way at the back. I don’t know why. But I really enjoy just sitting there feeling small, harmless tremors that I can feel if I put a finger to the walls of the airplane. I also never get over that feeling of taking off into the air. It gives me goosebumps when the pilot does a good job of landing the plane. And if I see the pilot outside, I smile at him like a happy customer looks at his chef after a great meal.
When I used to play flight simulator, I used to act like I was a real pilot and go exploring lands that I had never seen before. Microsoft did a great job of replicating the world for pilots and I definitely enjoyed it. I remember flying low over Hawaii and flying through New York during the winter. As the years passed, I understood planes better. I read about them, watched videos and drew them in my maths text. I loved everything about planes.
And I think I always will.
My love for planes might make you think I’m a bit weird. Please feel free to say that in the comments section. I’ll take that as a compliment.
I’m indebted to you, dear reader, for still being here. Do give me a follow and drop a comment. I’d love to know one more fellow human being on this planet. Have a blast existing and God bless you!
I’m a butterfly. I used to be a caterpillar. Before that, I was an egg. But you don’t know me. Yet. But I know you. I see you through the transparent chrysalis that envelops me. In time we’ll meet. I’m nearly there. I’m a complete butterfly inside a cocoon. How did I get here? It was inevitable. It had to be done. That’s how God made me. It was important for me to shut myself in a cocoon so that I could develop into a butterfly. But now, it’s nearly done. I don’t understand why I have be here anymore. I’m complete. But all in time. But make no mistake, I’m aching to be out there.
Metamorphosis Behind A Window is one of the tracks I made during this summer holiday. I’ll link it at the end of this post if you guys want to listen to it. I couldn’t upload it.
What inspired me: I had been stuck in my room for the past 1 month. Only going out on Sundays to attend church. After going to college, I had a really vibrant social life and being back home and not even going out, I felt trapped. I was looking out of my window, seeing all the cars honking at each other, a sight quite normal to the average Indian citizen. We spend a lot of time in cars stuck in traffic. I was looking out and seeing all this activity and I was back home, stuck in my room. No one shut me in. I just had nothing to do outside. I didn’t have many friends from school that I could go meet. But i had my passion for music. I spent the last two months in my room, playing my guitar and experimenting with music. It was from this, that the track came.
Now, through this track I wanted to convey a message. Here is a butterfly, fully formed, inside a transparent cage( The chrysalis of a butterfly, is usually transparent). Just before it comes out, it has the same potential as it will have when it has come out. I would imagine a butterfly really struggling to come out, considering how it must feel, knowing that it’s complete and yet not being able to go outside. But if you actually look at a butterfly coming out of it’s transparent chrysalis or cocoon, regardless of the amount of movement you see, it looks graceful. It looks like the cocoon and the butterfly are working together to create a release of potential into nature. That inspires me.
We are all undergoing a metamorphosis of our own and there will be times when we feel like we have reached our ultimate potential but are being caged by systems. It’s hard. Because we know what’s out there and we know we are meant for it, just like the butterfly in the transparent chrysalis. But like the butterfly, we must learn to work together with the chrysalis to release our potential.
God loves us. More than we could ever imagine. And sometimes, he gives us cocoons to develop in. We must learn to use it to vitalise our potential. This has a place in every situation in life, be it work, study, or personal development. I believe it is key to enjoying life and reaching great heights at the same time. And I hope that you never ever forget to enjoy life.
Do check out the other tracks and tell me what you think. I really appreciate it. Thank you once again for taking time out of your life to read the stuff I write. It means more than you know. God bless you!!!!
My Instagram page is over at @stefguitargeek
You can listen to the track mentioned in this post here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BxxArFJDY70/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Some of the tracks are also there on YouTube at Stef Guitar Geek